Surrounded vs Supported

As I reflect on the Grief Experience Summit that took place a week ago, I’m grateful for the opportunity to have been able to share valuable nuggets with participants. I was able to provide helpful insights they could take with them that day and, hopefully, carry into the future. I thank God for continuing to use me in this way in the healing space.

I hadn’t spoken publicly to an audience since 2018, just before my divorce. Part of the reason was that I needed to find me. I wasn’t sure who LaTronda was as an individual and as a woman. That journey required intentional work and a deep dive into my emotions, feelings, and heart. I realized I needed to heal first before I could authentically help others on their healing journey.

In one of my previous blogs, I shared how I first entered grief spaces, through my own divorce and later as a board member of Hearts2Heal. Recently, I had the honor of serving as the closing keynote speaker for the 2025 Grief Experience Summit. Since then, I’ve received inbox messages and seen posts about the analogy I shared on being surrounded vs. supported, a reminder that it truly resonated with many. My BFF captured the moment on video (though she struggled a bit with the recording!). Click here https://www.tiktok.com/@latrondalatrice/video/7549588876344544567 to watch the video or continue reading.

The story that leads to Surrounded vs. Supported goes back to when I was about ten years old. I received an Easy-Bake Oven for Christmas, and it meant the world to me. After several years of not using it, my dad cut the cord off and threw it away. That moment left a scar, and every year around Christmas I reminded him that he had broken my heart when he tossed it out. It became such a part of my story that even my children knew about that experience and how deeply it impacted me.

Unresolved loss can leave behind hurt and bitterness, creating emotional triggers that surface unexpectedly. Sometimes even random, unrelated situations can stir up those feelings. My loss may have seemed simple, but as a little girl, I didn’t know how to process the pain I was carrying. Still, it makes me wonder, how often are we triggered by losses that feel much heavier? And when those moments come, do we really know how to handle them?

I used the oven as an example with the boys whenever I threatened them about not keeping their rooms clean. I’d tell them I could be like their papa and throw out their toys that were scattered everywhere or give them away. I had talked about that oven so much that one Christmas, my boys bought me an Easy-Bake Oven. In their minds, Mom was hurt, and if they got me a new one, it would make me feel better and stop bringing it up. They deemed it necessary to HELP me heal, and in a way, they were right. While it didn’t erase the old memories, it created a new one tied to that oven.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was searching for closure or maybe even validation. I reminded my dad constantly, secretly hoping for an apology or for him to at least ask, “Do you want me to buy you a new one?” But he never asked, and he never apologized. So, I never received that closure directly from him.

Unexpectedly, I received it from my boys. Sometimes we get caught up in our own expectations of others, only to discover that what we need may not come from the people we hoped it would. My boys thought I was worthy of validation, and without me even asking, they gave me the closure I didn’t realize I needed.

The takeaway is this: in life, whether in the good or the bad, we have a choice, will we be merely surrounded, or will we be truly supported?

Being surrounded means people are near you, but not truly with you. They’re watching, observing, sometimes even curious about how you’ll make it through. The voices sound like: “I heard she got a divorce, let me see how she’s looking…” or “I wonder if she still has her luxury cars…” Or “I wonder if she’ll switch churches…” They’re not there to hold you up, they’re just watching from the sidelines, waiting to see what happens next.

Being supported means you have people who don’t just stand near you, they stand with you. They walk alongside you through the mess and the milestones. They hold your hand when words aren’t enough, pray for you when you can’t pray for yourself, show up at 3:00 a.m. without hesitation, and even sacrifice what they have, whether that’s time, money, or energy to help you get over the hump. Support isn’t passive; it’s love in action.

Surrounded is a presence.
Supported is an action.

So, the big question is, are you surrounded or are you supported?

LaTrondaLatrice